As I walked home from school I pictured a fresh cold glass
of milk, a chocolate chip cookie and a hug from my mum. I
pushed open the creaky gate and swaggered up to the door.
An idea popped into my head and I planned to scare mum.
I pushed the doorbell and hid behind a bush. No-one came
to the door, that’s odd I think to myself and push open the
front door. “Mum” I call down the hallway “mum where are
you” there is no sound only my footsteps echoing down the
hallway. A note lay on the kitchen it said your mum is at the
hospital. Confused I ran to the hospital where mum was
laying on the bed with a small baby. “Mum” I cry “what’s
wrong?”, “nothing” she said “but look it’s your baby brother”.
“What” I say “when did it arrive” “yesterday” she said smiling.
of milk, a chocolate chip cookie and a hug from my mum. I
pushed open the creaky gate and swaggered up to the door.
An idea popped into my head and I planned to scare mum.
I pushed the doorbell and hid behind a bush. No-one came
to the door, that’s odd I think to myself and push open the
front door. “Mum” I call down the hallway “mum where are
you” there is no sound only my footsteps echoing down the
hallway. A note lay on the kitchen it said your mum is at the
hospital. Confused I ran to the hospital where mum was
laying on the bed with a small baby. “Mum” I cry “what’s
wrong?”, “nothing” she said “but look it’s your baby brother”.
“What” I say “when did it arrive” “yesterday” she said smiling.
Really great story Elizabeth! I loved your plot line of coming home and trying to hide and scare your Mum, only to give the creative twist of the prompt that she was in hospital and she'd just had a baby. You had really clear and vivid description-I especially enjoyed your use of the word "swaggered" to give emphasis as to how you walked up the door-and good grammar. Very well done!
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